HOROSCOPE #2

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  • Capricorn : 22 December - 20 January (like Michelle Obama)

You are glum and depressed by the apocalyptic atmosphere of this new year, totally understandable… But instead of trying to make plans to get a new law passed in 2016, come to terms with things, listen to Stevie Wonder, and make a list of the great things you have in your life…And don’t forget to breathe. 

  • Sagittarius, 23 November - 21 December (like Béatrice Dalle)

Criticism coming from a Capricorn can be relentless, keep calm and remind yourself of: tough love (as long as the cutting remarks remain verbal, if not, get out of there!) The first half of February is shaping up to be full of surprises, you will surely hear back about your audition for The Voice 2016.

  • Pisces, 20 February - 20 March (like Zahia)

Work: You get the feeling you need a change, you are probably watching France 5 too much, and as a result you are thinking about a career change, maybe grooming ponies, or becoming an opera singer. Get a grip of yourself, it’s a slippery slope. Pluto in Pisces will give you the nerve, take initiative, ask for a raise instead. 

 

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  • Gemini, 22 May - 21 June (like Lio)

Geminis of the third decan dream of sunny beaches, escaping, and shiny taning oil. Stop it right now and be realistic, your bank account cannot handle such fantasies! As far as your health goes, you’re hanging in there, and maybe hanging a bit too much, be careful to not turn into the Michelin man. 

  • Cancer, 22 June - 22 July (like Vin Diesel, lucky you)

"You will forget", this song echoes on a loop in your head, you hardly know it, you get carried away and you are afraid of being pushed away… That’s to be expected, breathe deeply and cherish the here and now, like Larusso says so well “love, you know, ah ah yeah, has no memory". Look on the red side of life: Enjoy... 

  • Leo, 23 July - 23 August (like Alizée)

Stop watching Baby Boom and crying on Tuesday nights, get out and have fun, that’s how you will meet the future father of your children… Lady luck will be smiling down upon you as Venus and Pollux will soon be in alignment and guarantee a peaceful future, now’s the time to scour the floor at an off-track-betting ticket office.

 

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  • Aries, 21 March - 20 April (like Quentin Tarantino)

Your love life shows no sign of rhyme or reason right now, time for a wake-up call: stop clinging; if you haven’t sealed the deal by the 19th date, give up already, you are worth more than that for Pete’s sake! In terms of money, all is well, the planets are aligned under the Dollar sign, it’s time to reward yourself and take advantage of the 3rd decan of the sales. 

  • Aquarius, 21 January - 19 February (like Joseph Gordon-Levitt) 

You feel exhausted, you surely went overboard during the holidays, take it easy unless you want to catch mono before Valentine’s day… Uranus is lurking around your purse, expenses are to be expected, don’t give in to the temptation of the new collections, go on a weekend getaway with the girls instead.   

  • Taurus, 21 April - 21 May (like Nikos Aliagas, pity) 

Your job is taking over your whole life. While it’s great to be fulfilled professionally, you still have to think about taking some time out for yourself, and for your better half. And nope, I’m sorry, the 57 minutes spent watching an episode of Game Of Thrones does NOT count as quality time with one another. Log off from your screen and get lost in each other’s eyes.

 

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  • Virgo, 24 August - 22 September (like Eve Angeli)

If you’re single, stop acting like Mother Superior and exchange smiles with a stranger, who, by the way, does not necessarily have an ulterior motive. Career-wise, work on being more diplomatic, take your colleagues’ comments with a grain of salt, you are awesome, it must not be easy for others to shine next to a bright star like you.

  •  Libra, 23 September - 22 October (like Eminem) 

You feel like you are invincible, full of self-confidence, and to top it off you just found out your ex was dumped. Life is smiling down on you, enjoy it! One piece of advice though: share all these good vibes with those around you! The sun in your wake should help you out. Total eclipse of the heart, as Bonnie Tyler would say! 

  • Scorpio, 23 october - 22 November (like Alain Delon)

Single: You really want to get your body temperature rising, keep the faith, winter will not last forever. Venus in your sign will be your ally, it’s time to give destiny a hand and hit that target standing over there next to the coffee machine. Really, I mean, hit that… In a relationship: nothing to report, all is well, stop looking for things to nitpick about. Health-wise: start eating gluten again.

 

Translated by Ida Driscoll

 


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